Unfinished Business

"Unfinished Business"

"As Reported by Dollyforme"

Yea – another really crappy movie. Hey – this garbage is in the theatres for you to waste your money on. This unsatisfying Euro-romping comedy Unfinished Business is the latest installment of the safe acting plan of Vince Vaughn’s, a tall, fast-talking drink of risk-averse actor who portrays a distracted family man and capable, underdog salesman.

We’ve seen this before – a stiff pour of Vaughn, with equal parts Horrible Bosses and The Hangover. When Vaughn’s Dan Trunkman is pushed too far by his domineering boss (Sienna Miller), he forms his own tiny firm, with a sex-seeking, endearing imbecile (Dave Franco) and a sex-seeking, retirement-aged Brit (Tom Wilkinson). The three are fishes out of water in Germany, where a business trip goes woolly.

Not without charm, Unfinished Business mixes the cute with the raunchy. Penises adorably happen. But besides the schlongenfreude, there’s a subtext about how-did-I-get-here lives, and righting oneself before it’s too late. Is the star himself listening?

Anyway, it is the worst film thus far in 2015. Why this movie is billed as a comedy is beyond comprehension, because there is not one single funny moment. In fact, "Unfinished Business" is so not amusing, that it is actually painful to watch.

Ok, here is the plot of this crapper of a movie:

Dan has been working for years for Chuck Portnoy (Sienna Miller --- really? Chuck?), a real ball-buster, who uses sex to get what she wants. Dan gets the bright idea of going out on his own with two associates, Timothy McWinters (Tom Wilkinson), an over-the-hill salesman, and Mike Pancake (Dave Franco), a somewhat mentally-challenged newbie at sales.

To seal a big deal, the guys must first fly to Portland, Maine, only to learn that they must travel further to Berlin. At home, Dan's two children are suffering with school problems. Paul (Britton Sear), his obese son, is being bullied, and Bess (Ella Anderson) is a pint-sized bullier herself.

Did I mention that this is not at all funny?

"Unfinished Business" is offensive --- R-rated --- stupid, all over the map and decidedly not at all entertaining. Even Nick Frost, who is always hilarious, is horrible as a gay employee at the firm where Dan is trying to negotiate his deal. The script by Steve Conrad can't decide if it wants to be a comedy or a drama about bullying.

I'm actually concerned about Vaughn. His last five or six films have been a disaster. Perhaps he's laughing all the way to the bank, but his street cred for comedy has to be suffering. And Wilkinson is downright awful --- not something I ever thought I would write about him. His on-going shtick about wanting a divorce so he can have sex "wheelbarrow" style is so incredibly insulting and repulsive, one has to wonder how he got the words out of his mouth.

Franco is ludicrous, and the fact that women keep falling all over him is absurd. Which is a huge reason why "Unfinished Business" is so offensive. Conrad has penned a misogynistic script that does nothing but objectify women, starting with Miller's character and ending with the hotel maid who falls for Wilkinson.

I am so very, very tired of crass writing masquerading as humor. Penises hanging out of holes in the men's room at a gay bar is NOT

humorous. Nor is Franco falling into one as a sight gag. In addition, everyone snickering every time Mike says his last name "Pancake" is pathetic. If this is the best Conrad and director Ken Scott can do, they should look for new employment.

"Unfinished Business" is sloppy, tiresome, poorly constructed and ultimately awful. The entire cast and crew should be ashamed of themselves.

So – not worth watching – and not worth renting either. Two thumbs down bigtime.