Dirty Teacher

"Dirty Teacher "

"As Reported by Dollyforme"

Ah yes, another hot 40 year old in a VERY CRAPPY movie - the stunningly beautiful Josie Davis stars in “Dirty Teacher” – and does a smashing job too – she has both looks and brains and plays the really bad teacher role well. I really like this gal actually – despite being the bad girl of the movie.

Ah, high school. A time of making memories, coming of age, preparing for adulthood, and getting framed for murder by your crazy English teacher. At least, according to Lifetime. The network really knows how to make high school look like a hellish place where sex leads to horrible, horrible consequences. This crappy little redbox movie Dirty Teacher was no exception. And before you ask, no, that’s not the one with Cameron Diaz.

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? Oh, scratch that, it looks like Lifetime wants to start from the end. Okay, then. Our protagonist Jamie (Kelcie Stranahan – star of last year’s Last Hours in Suburbia) is being led to a police car in handcuffs. There are all kinds of grisly shots of a dead body. What happened? Did Jamie do it? Based on the movie’s commercials, no, she didn’t. But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to flash back one month and see her not do it.

One-month-younger Jamie is a star student who’s dating baseball player Danny (Cameron Deane Stewart). Danny is suffering from a tragic case of My-Girlfriend-Won’t-Have-Sex-With-Me-itis. It’s very sad. To top it all off, his parents are pressuring him to get into Stanford. Those same parents also fired Jamie’s dad, which led to her parents taking her college money to pay for the house. Ugh, all that drama and he isn’t having sex. Isn’t high school the worst?

Anyway, a very creepy teacher by the name of Ms. Molly Matson (Josie Davis), Dirty Teacher, has arrived to replace a pregnant teacher who is out on leave of absence.

Ms. Matson has this little problem where she sees her childhood self in reflective surfaces while hearing her former foster mother (the same foster mother Ms. Matson murdered) calling her an ugly freak. So, you know, totally healthy, normal stuff that causes her to be a creepy student-seducer.

Ms. Matson has eyes for Danny, and Danny has eyes for sex, so it’s a perfect match. After seducing him with ridiculously obvious multiple choice questions and beer at a Chinese restaurant (gets ‘em every time), Ms. Matson has Danny wrapped around her robot finger. Because she is so in love with Danny, Ms. Matson sets out to make Jamie’s life a living hell by giving her a C on her paper. Which is terrible, because she’s such a great student and all. The kind of student who’s asked to provide her favorite literary quote and gives a non-literary quote from Gandhi. So, like, she so obviously deserved an A and stuff.

Jamie starts to suspect that Danny is cheating on her, so she follows him to Ms. Matson’s house, where she peeks through the back door and sees them going at it. At first, she’s totally pissed. But then Ms. Matson changes her grade to an A and Danny apologizes, and everything is okay again……

Anyway – in the end Dirty Teacher is behind bars and to be honest it was worth a buck at redbox – low budget but interesting in a twisted way.