Stellai’s blog Februari 2019:
Click on the image above for full size and the gallery
Yeah, I know. My header image is not very appetizing. But if you are here not just for the images and want to see me ‘hit’em hard’, then I suggest you take a good look my header.
If it is just chit-chats and honeybees you are looking for, then don’t bother reading my blog this time and scroll straight down to the animated images below. While I will attempt to avert an upcoming disaster you can just have a pleasant look at my photo series with Kayla, Koen and Dibby in the Zoo. I can assure you, they are not related to the text.
Ohh, you wanna know what the upcoming disaster is? Really, it’s nothing special. Just that I am about to be pushed off the cliff by Amazon KDP, being my production and main distribution channel for my books. They threaten to remove each and every single one of my book ‘Rosaleintje’ from Amazon within 4 days from now, unless I can provide them with the impossible. So, you see, nothing to worry about. Hey, providing the impossible happens to be my specialty, right?!
So, for those amongst you that like to know how to deal with Amazon KDP, à read and learn! As for the rest of you:
Looking forward seeing you all at the end of this blog, where you can see Amazon KDP congratulating me.
To: Amazon KDP,
Attn.: Kindle content review team
Dear sir, madam,
Herewith I like to reply to your request to “provide documentation confirming (my) rights to the images in my book”.
I think your request is absolutely legitimate and I very much like to express my appreciation to Amazon KDP for taking intellectual property ownership so much seriously. Having this said, I have to admit that your email has caused a turmoil of different reactions within my family. This because the giant size dolls in my family, all seem to think that your email was based on a huge misunderstanding and was therefore hilariously funny. But the other (read: normal size) dolls of my family, myself included, thought your email to be a reason for considerable concern. And therefore, being the author of the book ‘Rosaleintje’, I thought it best this time to respond to you myself, instead of having Koen (my creator) reply to your request. This because I noticed an unusual state of mind in him after reading your email, a state of mind that can best be described as ‘grinning anger’. Like me he didn’t take too well your addition: “If documentation is not received within 5 days, your books will be removed from sale on Amazon.”
First of all I hope you can find it in your hearth to drop the “valid government issued photo IDs” demand for Rosaleintje and myself, as well as for our pet dolls Mop and Knor, the guinea pigs posing in some of the photos in my book.
Sure I will do everything in my power to see your request for documentation fulfilled. But, unless I will be granted divine powers tomorrow to rebuilt the world (which really would not be such a bad idea), I am going to need a bit more time than 5 days (actually it is 4 days now). You may not know this, but getting valid government issued photo IDs for ScoonimDolls is a bit of a problem. Being star reporter for CoverDoll, I obviously should have a passport….. Let me tell you, there is no ScoonimDoll on this planet that has spent more hours in the past 4 years waiting patiently in line at the town hall, than I have. Every time they turn me down. In fact last time I went to our city hall the desk dolls apparently got so much frustrated to see me again that they put me in a shoe box and then called Koen to pick me up. It is sad, but true. The problem is that our city hall is completely run by giant size dolls of the MB doll kind (Meat Based dolls), who are apparently under strict orders not to supply IDs to any other doll species than themselves. Textile dolls, porcelain dolls, ball joint dolls, teddy bear dolls, blow-up dolls, Barbie dolls, etcetera, yes even the giant size silicone love dolls (who are in pretty much every respect a spitting image of the MB dolls), as well as guinea pig dolls and us ScoonimDolls are cut off from civil rights and registration by our government. Not quite something you would expect in highly developed and liberal country as The Netherlands, right?! So, let’s drop the “valid government issued photo IDs” requirement, ok?
As for your request to come up wih “a signed contract from the copyright owner of the images verifying your retain rights to use them”…. Hmm…. This is a bit difficult to provide as well, as all of the photos in my book have been made by Koen and myself (obviously the really good ones were made by me, the snapshot photos were made by Koen, or by the camera itself, when put on auto-shutter). Of course I can make you some kind of contract that states we are the rightful owners of our own photos, which are the only photos used in the book, but that seems a bit silly to me, since our rights will not be questioned by anybody… Well, ok, you questioned it, but that does not really count, because you were not present when we made the photos. And indeed the colophon in the book mentions Lyska, Mette and Paul as other photographers. So maybe you are referring to them in your email… Hmm… But these dolls are all members of my family. They were just so kind to assist us on occasion by pressing the shutter button of our camera after we had set the tableau vivant.
So, this “ signed contract from the copyright owner of the images verifying your retain rights to use them” that you are so eager to receive…. is just to make sure I allow myself you use my own photos, right?…. Bit awkward, isn’t it?! I think you better drop this requirement as well!
About your request for “a signed model release form for each model featured in the book”…. Here you got a point. But I fear this is going to take a lot more than 5 days to accomplish. First of all because Rosaleintje, the main photo model of this book has moved to Brazil. She now is the masterpiece doll within the doll collection of Antonio. And although Rosaleintje is a sister of mine, as well as a dear friend, I have to say that, despite my efforts to keep in touch, I have not heard from her since she left, other than she has arrived safely. This was already more than a year ago. So, it may take considerable time to get her signature for this release form. But there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that she is willing to sign this document for you, for the book was made in her honor.
And then there is the matter of the modelling guinea pigs….
Tell me, have you ever seen a guinea pig writing its name on an official document? I have sincere doubts that these type of dolls are capable of putting even a simple x-shaped mark on a paper sheet.
The modelling guinea pigs Mop and Knor in my book are members of my family for as long as I can remember and I can say for a fact that the only thing they are interested in is chewing. Any pencil and paper given to them will be solely regarded as something new to chew on. Obviously I will do my very best to get their signatures for you but please be patient. I expect it will take several months of training and piles and piles of paper before even a minor result will be reached.
By the way, do you really want a model release form signed by Koen? I have no doubt he will be more than willing to sign this document for you, but technically he is the publisher. So he would be releasing himself from publishing rights as a model to regain these rights again as a publisher…. This seems to me a bit pointless.
Pretty much the same counts for me. Therefore please, think this over, will you?
And finally there is this requirement about “listing each model’s birthdate(s)”….? Surely you must be aware that the registration of the birthdates is MB doll folklore. It is not upholded by any other doll species. In fact many doll species are not born, but created or produced and may experience your requirement to be hostile up to discriminating. Surely you do not want this, because the label ‘discriminator’ is really bad for your reputation and sales. So let’s agree that this was just a typo in your email.
I am looking forward to your response and I hope you will come up with an alternative for the requested IDs, a lot more time, or most preferably I hope you will revoke your email, which according to Koen is “both hilarious and tragic, for somebody at your office clearly and utterly failed, because he (or she) did not take a proper look at the book , which in this case is rather essential”.
ScoonimDoll 2nd generation
Created by Koen van der Elst
….. Ohh wow, that’s quick! It has taken Amazon less than an hour to respond. I must have been even more convincing than I thought I would be. Well, I am happy to inform you that my reputation for making the impossible possible still stands! Just take a look at my screenshot image below.
Ok, guys. That’s all for now. I’m off. I need to celebrate something and then I really need to get some sleep. See you all soon.
Just one more thing..... You have all visited my new website by now, right?
But..... did you know you have been selected and approved by me to join my special contest in which you can win my eternal gratitude? AND that you already have passed the second round selection? Just one more round to go! You can be a winner! All you need to do is go right back to my website and buy yourself a copy of my fantastic book, something you already planned to do of course, but..., well.... apparently had forgotten, because.... because.... you had got completely distracted by my dashing website, right?
Hey, not a problem. You can still make it right! Just buy my book and write me a wonderful review of it on Amazon.
Here is the link to get you back on track in your quest to win my eternal gratitude.
Yes, go on. Click it! You can be a winner too!
And if you can spare an extra dime, then get yourself a copy of Harem’s book as well in my website. With any luck you may even win Kayla’s eternal gratitude too.
Go for it!
P.S. If you have missed my previous blog (December 2018), then just click the link below: It is called “Mole Mischief” https://coverdoll.com/drupal/node/2785
Hey, Koen…. Don’t you think for a minute that you will get away with this! You are in BIG trouble!!