May - and Sex.

Dear readers,

Despite affecting our lives, mentally, emotionally and physically from before we are born until long after our reproductive functions have become redundant sex, has been, and still is, a relatively taboo subject for open discussion and education, especially with the nitty gritty details. Thus for the most part it is perceived, understood and practiced not well at all.

The omnipresent nature of sex, sometimes unwelcome, involuntarily pervades our very being ......

Dr Pamela Stephenson-Connolly (PHd & Sex Therapist) has written a book 'Sex Life' which "takes us on an eye opening journey to explode the myths and addresses the embarrassing questions we've always wanted to ask about sex and our insatiable appetite for it". 

Baby boys have erections, baby girls experience genital swelling and vaginal lubrication and, as shown in Ultra Sound pictures, male foetuses have been observed with tiny erections. Through infancy and childhood we struggle to understand the world immediately around us, including our bodies, and sex - though we don't understand it as such at the time. We discover many good feelings that our bodies can provide and we do our best to recreate them when we can.

Her book, which tells the sexual story of our lives from conception onwards by testimony and commentary, includes about childhood discovery of sexuality for both sexes in their first years of life. Open discussion about it is mostly viewed with suspicion or worse. Quote "This is because many people wish to keep the taboo subject of early childhood as an age of sexless innocence. That's a cosy fantasy, but it is not reality, and ignoring our children's sexuality, failing to answer their questions satisfactorily or punishing them for experimentation may actually reduce their chances of developing a healthy adult sexuality" end Quote.

The repression of our sexual selves, desires and urges is not surprising and perhaps understandable taking into account the real risk of abuse, the potential for disease transmission, the emotional and physical consequences, an innate fear of inadequacy by comparison and competition and indeed a fear of the very powerful and mainly uncontrollable nature of our sexuality within. So we adopt the 'Best keep it hidden' approach.

Not that young children need to actually be taught that sex is inappropriate, a sin, evil, dirty and 'we don't do that sort of thing', although they get that too (as a general rule) when caught doing or playing with what comes naturally by their inquisitive minds. No, indeed, the aversion by their elders of nudity, the embarrassment they observe in their parents and others of 'things down there' and all things sexual, the lack of talk of such things, the various non specific, avoidance, even weird, vocabulary used to describe sex and associated aspects of it, and, nowadays, the obsessive restrictive classifications applied quickly teach the very young - who soak up and notice such things faster and more completely than they ever will again in their lives - soon learn that, confusingly, sex is somehow 'Not something we do' when in fact it is something we do , either in thought , word and deed, all the time and (arguably?) affects and defines the rest of our lives - how we live it and how we relate. Unfortunately the generally negative attitude, once learn't cannot easily be unlearnt. Perhaps that is why so much sex is 'underground', with some being inappropriate due to repression, and it thrives in overabundance on the internet, in prostitution and pornography.

Of course our sex life is a private matter but we should not be afraid or ashamed of it. We recommend Dr Pamela Stephenson-Connolly's book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sex-Life-Sexual-Encounters-Experiences/dp/0091929857 which may help some unlearn a lot of the BS on this subject.

Stigma or otherwise /drupal/node/771 the wonderful world of dolls has enabled me to explore, discover and enjoy my sexuality, without fear, guilt or favour, better than I was able to within several relationships and, at last, be fully who I am sexually, and in that sense it is as good as, if not better, than the real thing.

hugs and kisses

dolltime

Anecdotes from our little book of Weird Sex.

In Middle Eastern countries it is not only a sin, but a crime as well, to eat a lamb that you have had sex with (punishable by death) and in Britain a law was passed that Shepherds had to be female (shepherdesses).

A crime! Laws passed! must have been more than a one off then!  And it puts a whole new perspective on the total blanket banning of the consumption of Ham & pork in some cultures  .