July - and Being Good.

Dear Readers,

Surveys indicate that over 80% of Men (average from several) think they are Good or Excellent in Bed. Most Women, however, said very few they have shared the sheets with are good. The flip side is not dissimilar though men are generally more generous in regard to womens' performance, perhaps because men are easily fooled - 70% of women admit to regularly faking orgasm - perhaps because their needs are so easily fulfilled or perhaps for them making love to a beautiful woman is good regardless. Either way the surveys probably give a generous account and the reality is actually much worse as macho, testosterone driven patriarchal cultures (which is most) where women are treated as subordinate, slaves even, would not participate in such feedback & debate.   So Being Good .................  What does it mean?

The fulfilment of regular ecstatic pleasure throughout life seems quite low as a priority and with so many thinking they are better than they are it is not surprising there is such a poor scorecard for our favourite activity. After all, it is not an inherent skill and has to be learned, Yet ....

Despite raging hormones screaming for sex from our Teenage years on the subject is taboo (blog May - and Sex /drupal/node/1363 ), misleading information is gleaned from dubious sources such as peer groups or porno's (blog - /drupal/node/834 and /drupal/node/848 ) and cultural rules or regulatory laws do not exactly encourage skilled learning (last months blog). And once adulthood is reached most are set in their ways and relatively few accept their general ignorance and actively try to improve & graduate.

Nor is it helped by the fact that the sexes have two different agenda's (beyond companionship that is), unconscious or otherwise, in life's journey with women generally preferring a secure and preferably kind provider over sexual prowess while men quantitative security and having their ego stroked. Disappointment or disillusionment in the early years may account or explain why so many 'let themselves go' in middle age, cease striving to be sexy & console themselves with an over indulgence in food or other pursuit. 

Of course one size does not fit all, we are different, and there are many shades of what it means to be G and B.  From Cosmo: "Some women (and men) like sex rough and crazy, and others like it gentle and sweet. Most of us, though, like it all sorts of ways, and those preferences can change depending on all sorts of factors—the time of the month, the time of the day, what we ate, whether we’re feeling stressed or sad or happy or playful. Figuring out which, when and how - now that's the challenge, especially if partners' moods are at variance. If you want to be labeled “Best Lover Ever” by the next girl (or man) you sleep with, the key is to pay attention and communicate. Read more: How To Please A Woman in Bed - Women Sexual Desires - Cosmopolitan .

There does however seem a general consensus and just thrusting away is not it. These partial quotes give some examples:

The Good:

"They have to know how to give GOOD oral...meaning make me cum ..................  , they have to be adventurous and want to try different things, they have to be confident, they have to be able to laugh at themselves and us--good sex creates some crazy noises and lots of sweat and slipping and sliding--you have to be able to laugh at this."

"LOTS of foreplay, ............. he has to be willing to explore and ask me where I like or what I like to do and himself saying what he would like to do...  Not be afraid to laugh if we bump teeth or if we do something wrong. Has to not be embarrassed of his body or mine"

"For me the guy has to absolutely LOVE to give a girl head. Also a guy has to be adventurous, open, giving, unselfish..."

“I love when a woman lets me know what does — or doesn’t — feel good. If she doesn’t speak up, how else will I know?”

"Look at me, touch me, and talk to me like you think I'm the foxiest mama you've ever tasted, smelt, felt, kissed. Lots of lingering over peripheral parts, leading towards the centre (where ample time is then spent). Extensive teasing, with eye contact here and there. Enthusiasm, flexibility (both physical and mental) and open-mindedness. Attentiveness. Playfulness. When you give it to me, you behave like you're giving me what I asked for."

The Bad:

"Hates cunnilingus or has to be asked to give all the time. I'd feel like I have to keep reminding him I have needs too. Not wanting sex enough. Not switching things up during sex."

"Putting all your weight on me, forcing my body into positions without communicating you're about to in some way (can be a nonverbal cue), going through any phase of it in a perfunctory manner, not expressing your pleasure audibly, not kissing me anywhere after the action gets into full swing, taking short cuts to get yours, not being accommodating to my needs/comfort, not being playful but too dogged and serious-minded."

"The amount of times I've had girls just lie there, no imagination, no attempt to be proactive, nothing."

Of course mutual attraction, compatibility and chemistry is important but it helps to be Attentive, Communicative, Adventurous, not afraid to Experiment, Considerate, Enthusiastic and apply subtle use of hands, fingers, tongue, lips, touch, positions and dick. And don't forget your love muscles (Kegel exercise - both sexes). Your partner will be thrilled if you keep them in shape.

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/want-a-pleasure-boost-exercise-your-love-muscle-...

http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/better-sex/tips/exercising-the-love-...

Joking Aside:

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.

"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.

"What took you so long to answer?"

"I was in bed."

"What were you doing in bed this late?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate and said, "However good you were to your wife that is The Vehicle you will get in heaven".    The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.    The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her." He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.    The next guy came up and said, "I cheated on my wife a lot". He gets a scooter.   Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying. He asked, "Why are you crying you have such a nice car?!" and the man sobbed, "My wife just went by on roller skates".

Links for further reading if interested (and they are just the tip of the iceberg). Recommended of you want to explore this topic:

http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/6081/why-are-there-so-many-bad-lovers

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2011/03/17/what-makes-someone-good

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/sep/28/sex-women-relationships-tanya...

http://au.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/109_love_secrets.html

http://www.esquire.com/features/women-who-are-bad-in-bed-0412

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Men_Who_Are_They_Fooling.html

PS:

With the right ritual (eg preparation & foreplay), ambiance, wig and clothe selection and as illustrated in our forum thread 'In Exhortation of On Top' - different variety, mood and positioning can be achieved before, during and after lovemaking with 'the girls'. And Yes, Tash and Cami are 'Good in Bed'. Had no complaints about my performance either LOL.

http://dollforum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=31838&hilit=In+Exhortation+of+On...